The ocean could be calm, cool and collected, but at times it would viciously devoured the souls which would to unfortunately fall into the pit of darkness and dissipate into nothingness. Deep down in the sea where no light could even penetrate the thick wall of darkness, there always will be a tiny glint of hope shining at the corner of our eyes, we must concentrate on it and grasp hold of it tightly as if its the only escape from death.
“Why this weather in the morning…” I grumbled, “…ruined my plans…”
Looking at the dark clouds emerging above my head, ready to downpour spears of water unto the area. The first ammunition struck my extended hand, signifying me to give up on my plans to have an early swim by the ocean at Port Dickson. I had the urge to swim to get all the wrenching thoughts off my head but forced to delay it.
I took a sit at those lazy chairs in my suite, reminiscing yesterday’s event and sunken into deep reverie where thoughts sporadically scrambled throughout my head making me to cogitate about the decisions I had made this past few years.
Leaving footprints by the beach, I took a long stroll to release my thoughts. The footprints I left were the memories that embedded in my mind including the good, the bad and the ugly. The moment I looked back at the reason that I decided which was to move on after a year and a half of waiting for her because I envisaged a brighter future because her presence drove me out of track to achieve my vaulting ambitions in life.
“Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift that is why it is called the present,” I muttered under my breath as I continued my walk by the beach.
“A year and a half is a long time,” after stealing a last glance of what was behind me, “Luckily, I came back to my cognitive senses, if not more time would be wasted on the things that aren’t destined for me.”
“We could change our fates.”
“But destiny is a different story.”
“It’s time to move on,” I told myself, “Learn from it. Do not repeat the same mistakes.”
The rain stopped plummeting unto the place, a resounding thunder clap ended the dreaded rain, the enigmatic gesture by Mother Nature jolted me back to senses.
“Finally…” I changed into my swimming trunks and sprinted to the beach.
I took careful steps to overcome the undulated path to the small isle which was situated quite a distance from the beach, could be said that it was in the middle of the ocean.
Sitting on a rock at the very end of the isle, bathing in the radiance of the sun, being splashed by the waves and tides consistently rekindled all that happen across the year and a half. Indeed time was wasted, its no use crying over spilt milk, mistakes were made, learn from them.
My eyes were shut to segregate myself from the world for a while long enough to ruminate upon my life decisions. Why not start anew? Lerr is not bad… Why not confess? You already had feelings for her for few months…
“No…” I uttered against my thoughts, “Too tired… Just remain as friends is enough.” If not the friendship established between us would be destroyed because of my harsh actions by confessing my true feelings for her…
Without a second thought, I dived into the ocean, wanting to swim across to the isle opposite me which was not far as poorly perceived by my eyes.
I swam with my eyes closed because the ocean was too salty.
Shit… My intuition prompted me that something had gone very wrong. I have to swim back to the beach now!
I used some effort to steer back to the direction of the shores. When I started to paddle my legs, my energy was almost drained out. How am I gonna swim back?
The swim back was exhausting, I was trying to outswim the waves, but that gave my legs excruciating pain, the cramps were imminent to my legs.
At this rate, I’m not gonna make it. I thought.
“HEEELLLPPP!!!” I let out an outcry for help.
“HEELLLPP!!!” I screamed desperately.
The waves viciously pulled my legs into the ocean, I used lots of effort to swim back to the surface.
The waters started to fill up my lungs, I struggled to disentangle myself from the bondage of lacking of oxygen.
Lord, save me. I said the prayer in my mind as what Peter did when his attempt to walk on water went to no avail.
“Scream once more, swim back immediately, have a little faith.”
“HHHEEEEEEELLLPPPP!!!” I stretched my voice as long and as loud as possible.
I noticed somebody at the corners of my eyes, Thank God… Somebody noticed me.
Every ounce of energy was already used up to bring me back to the shores.
The pain. The inferior feeling. Of death lingered upon me.
NO! I’M NOT GONNA DIE HERE!
Death was approaching with his reaper crescent. I was closer to death by the very second.
Death was staring at its next prey- me. He was hunger-stricken and ready to pounce on me to rip me apart at any moment. I could not see anything in front of me, it was pure darkness, just darkness.
I have tons of things that I haven’t done, haven’t accomplished, haven’t achieved.
F*** off death.
A sudden surge of adrenaline gushed through my bloodstream, vasoconstriction happened, my fight and flight response kicked in, my blood flowed in a faster phase, providing me with the last few drops of energy.
There was the slightest glint of hope. All I had to do was to focus on it and grab hold of it without letting it go.
My legs were able to feel the ocean floor, my head was above the water.
I was saved.
“Hallelujah!” SCREW YOU DEATH.
I escaped death by the sliver of faith. Half of soul had entered the doors of death, but by the grace of Him, I fled to chase the light.
A lifeguard came to help me up.
Both of my legs were akin to two useless sticks and my head was throbbing as if it was going to burst.
He assisted my movement and put me by the nearest resting chair.
“Are you okay?” He did the usual procedures to check-up on my condition.
“No…” I said breathlessly.
“My… he..ad… and… legs…”
“You stay here and I will get some water for you.”
My mouth was permeated with the bitter taste of the ocean. I washed it away with the water he gave me.
“Need the hospital?”
“NO!” I rejected almost immediately, “I… can… han… dle…my… self…” I was still catching my breath.
“Are you serious, sir?”
“Yes…” It would be problematic if I’m hospitalised
“Did you come yourself? Did you have anyone I can contact?”
“Ro…om… 4…2…9…” My parents would probably slaughter me and prohibit me from swimming like for ever. “Mo…re… wa…. ter…”
“Ok, sir. Wait for a while.”
He left to help me get my request done. I laid there, drained out, recovering from the misfortune.
“Sir… I couldn’t make any contact, nobody picked up my phone.” He told me as he handed me my water.
“Ne…ver…mind…” I finished up my water.
“Anything else more I can help you with sir?” he asked politely.
“Could you get my bag…? Its yellow… and its near the entrance of the beach…”
He nodded and rushed to get my bag. I stared blankly into the skies. Wondering why they were not present when needed. My body gradually regained its strength. He came with my bag. I thanked him sincerely. I grabbed my bag and dragged myself back to my suite.
When I reached my suite, Lerr was the first one to come into my mind.
“Lerr… I almost died…” I whatsapped her.
“What happened?” She replied by that instant.
“You free to talk now?”
“No… Maybe at night…”
“What happened?” She insisted.
“I went for a swim in the ocean, and I almost got myself drowned.”
“Oh my god… Pray for your wellness.”
“Talk to you at night.”
She sent a thumbs up emoji.
The exhaustion that was inflicted on my body had worn me out. My parents finally got back and ready to leave this place. I did not mention a single word to them because I thought about the implications and it would be utterly meaningless to them. I silently packed my things up and acted as if nothing had happened to me.
During the journey back to my house, I pondered upon the grace of God and slept most of my way back due to the fatigue that my body experienced. Even when I got back to my house, I laid on my bed to continue the recuperation on my body.
“Lerr…” I phoned her.
“What happened Yang?” She said in a worried tone.
I told her everything that I had gone through this rough morning. She listened attentively. She intermittently cracked jokes about the sea and tried to console me from my downfall. That really helped to alleviate my fear-stricken heart.
“I almost drowned myself… I overestimated my capabilities and underestimated Mother Nature.”
She told me about an uncanny experience when she was a child, she almost drowned when she was swimming in a pool during a vacation with her relatives. They mistaken her for ‘having fun’ in the pool but she was drowning. As she kicked frantically to gasp for air, her mother noticed something was wrong, she was pulled out of the water right after then.
“Why didn’t you wear a life jacket?” She asked plainly. “It is common sense to wear those when you are out at the ocean… My dad always wore those when he swims in the ocean even he is claimed to be a brilliant swimmer.”
“True…” I agreed, “The waves are the most terrifying thing, they pulled my body and obstructed my swim back.”
“Thank God you are saved. Luckily, you prayed for help.”
“You should be more careful next time.”
That felt like a pat at my back and a relief to my soul.
Grateful and glad at the same time when she was there to hear me out at times of difficulties.
P.S. 8th June 2016- the day I fled from the hands of death.
Rediscovered Hope, Joy.
Disclaimer- I used house instead of home because I do not really feel like my family is a home to me. Hence, please understand me. Plus, I rarely use the four-letter word in my writings so I purposely used asterisk to cover that up. Sorry if I offended any readers with my usage of the four-letter word. The featured photo is actually taken by the beach where this incident happened.