I just don’t know how to start off this letter, you made me clogged in my writing to you and what to speak when meeting you, I am so lost on how to face you. I felt dejected day after day, waiting, just waiting without any actions to you, I did not know what would be the best way of the word ‘action’ for you, so I decided to write you this letter. Whether you see it or not, it will be here, I did not want to tag you in, I am still rationale, but desperate.

Happy belated birthday to you, hope you will have the strength, the hope to venture, to endure, and to go through life. (If you happened to come across this post on the actual date it is posted) 

Kinda cliche of a birthday greeting, but I really do hope that you are doing well in everything, I’m sure there are slips here and there, it will be nothing much to your joyful demeanor.

I had a lot of questions in my mind ever since we had broken off contact with each other since last year, I did not have the courage to send you a message, until now.

How’s your heart? Is it as joyful as always? Did you get knock down by anyone? How’s your working experience before you started college? How’s your college life? Which college are you attending? Are you eating well? Are you staying up late for studies like last time? How’s your results? Is it good? Did you get A in add maths? Why did you ignore me on that day? Am I not loud enough? Did you not hear me asking you, caring about your results?

I am not so much of an expressive person, as you had know, but I speak my thoughts, a little too much. I keep track of your activities via insta, it was the only way that I could wait silently in the corner to wait, to know about your doings, about how your life is going. Overthinking is part of the implications after seeing your posts, I am afraid somehow, a little green-eyed, but mostly scared of losing you. Whenever I see your ‘seen’ status on my insta stories, I felt that you are still keeping an eye on me, or else you just flitted across my stories, two possibilities, you taught me to think on the bright side, so I prefer to surmise that you really do take a look at my stories. 

What a silly statement. “Yerr, you did not have me also, why should you care so much?” this might be the sentence that come into your mind. However, I know that you are not ready to start any relationship with anyone, especially with someone like me. To be honest, after deep thoughts, I deemed myself as not ready too, I’m way too premature, I still can’t.

Hope you will see this post. If so, I hope you will reply me in any form, either in rejection or in a positive way (do give me a ring), not receiving a no response as your response just like those past two times. It really do put me in a very dire situation, a morose, a sad position. I could accept a rejection or an acceptance, but never an ignorance. 

Perhaps after you seeing this letter, I might not be able to see your ‘seen’ status on my stories, or even worse, not getting to see you in any way possible, or else it would just remain as such if you did not read this letter.

But, I truly hope for the best to happen.

Hope,
Yang.

 

 

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