Time is of essence. I thought to myself since the day I realised my dream, not quite so, but it became prominent after I went into this STPM thing. Everything became too quick, the pace was extraordinary fast compared to my previous academic studies. I was strangled, the teachers did not know how to teach, except for my Chemistry teacher, and my English teacher.

I took the Sciences, not inclusive of Biology. My dream is to become a Mathematician, primary. However, I was too worn out by the trivial things that I had to attend in this ‘college’. Some times, the school forces us to attend the classes that most of the times were doing close to nothing or I did not learn anything from it. I could use that precious time to self-study or from the Youtube, it would be even beneficial than having those so-called experience teachers.

Universities are not better off, I heard that the lecturers there also do not have the skills of conveying their thoughts to the students, but at least they have a clear explanation and knowledge about the syllabus involved in the particular course for the majority of them. However, in this college, the majority, 3 out of 5 teachers are clueless about the syllabus, some even lack the skill of explaining clearly, and lacking the knowledge to a particular subject that they are teaching.

Have you been into a class where the teacher is struggling to find an answer to a normal question? He used us a period, or even more, to solve the problem, and he explained it poorly to us about the answer, we were swimming in clouds of uncertainty to whatever that he had said during the period of time.

Teachers aside, the co-curricular activities (koko) now, we were forced to give in some hours of the week to attend this kind of activities, the St. John, Scouts, Clubs, Societies, Sports, et cetera. These things were compulsory, and in my opinion, we are 18 now, we should be given the chance to have internship instead of this kind of activities because these activities are more suitable for people who are below 18.

18 is a crucial turning point in life, some are millionaires at this age, but most of the 18-year-olds are still struggling to get the academics straight, and not even bothering what is coming after graduation. For me, I know my route, I know that I have to endure this period of time, I regard STPM as a stepping stone for me to enhance myself academically, not socially because if you want to dramatically improve your soft skills, social skills, and solving real-life situations, college/university is not a place for you.

In ‘real’ life, you have to work, that means you have to mix with people who are better than you, who are more experienced than you. Thus, having an internship programme in this period of academic study is imperative than to organise those koko events which are less beneficial compared to having internship.

Back to my dream, it is difficult to balance it out. I went for a counselling session with the counsellor of the school. She could read my body language, so I laid bare to her, no lies. However, she regarded my sheer speed in speech and my perspectives in life as mindfulness, which is in her terms negative. She said I think too much about my future, and not living in the present.

I was like, what…. If I am not living in the present, I would waste the majority of my time on social media, and throw my time into the bin. I did not do so, I work on Saturdays, I study hard, I blog, I write, I read, I pray, I did all the things that are not a wastage of my time, except for attending meaningless classes, which apparently occupy two-thirds of the schooling days.

She did also analysed about the negativity inside me, she cited it is affecting my behaviour. Negative thoughts only haunt me when there is utterly no hope in a situation, i.e. the college I am attending now. However, when I am dealing with things that I consider as useful, my blog, my part-time job, my relationship with my family, my best friends, my dreams, my hopes, I have the utmost hopes for them, I would look at things at the bright side, and solve the dark side of these matters.

She said swearing too much is a bad thing, and sleeping too little is a bad thing too, and my punctuality is another problem for me too. These are the things that I consider her to be correct, and I ought to correct them in the shortest period of time possible. However, the mindfulness that was quoted by her is a hackneyed commentary, if you are not mindful about the things in life, how are you going to know about the happenings around you, to be aware of those things.

Grit is what burns me, lights up my inner passion for Maths. I will not, I do not give up on being a Mathematician. I will persist until there is no tomorrow.

P.S. I’m sorry if this is such a shitstorm for the readers, sometimes I just need to let my mind to be free, and to let out everything in a write-up. Honestly, some points were hanging and too many personal feelings thrown inside. Be mindful, this is a rant passage, substantiation is at minimal. This is what I feel until now after attending the college, after the counselling session, I felt that this college is even worse, this is maybe the down of my life, I should regard it as a major stepping stone of life, in order to be par excellence under such stringent constraints.

Hope you could leave some advice or thoughts that you have for me in the comment section below, anything is greatly welcomed.

Craving for more? Down below:
Monologue with Him
Breaking Through
Bornt On A Silver Platter, Biting Off A Silver Spoon.
8 Things You Should Do Before SPM.
Maths Anxiety