Hope. The word that got me through 2017, hopefully 2018.

A year in review, I can not even remember what I have spoken just now. Great. 

2017 is a bountiful year for me, with good and bad experience. I have grown significantly, not my physique, but my mind. What I can say about 2017 is thank you. Nothing else more, by concluding this year by gratefulness. Prayers did drag me through the majority of my year.

January: Welcoming the year of Hope! Promising myself that I would keep on to Lerr. Did a my very first guest post with Jess. My grandma passed away, one of the closest people in my life, I was glad that she left us to end her abominable pain. Started working at a humble restaurant, learning to be humble and the harshness of life. Went on my first Chinese New Year with my grandma, very unusual.

Phew…

February: Worked, worked and worked. Tiring myself of physically. Reading Sherlock Holmes, great read. Learned a bunch of vocabulary by literally memorising them everyday.

March: First panic attack, almost got into a fight with the restaurant tenants. But, got away with it. Got my license. Hey, you want to work with us? My boss asked, new boss. Yes. This changed my life, spun me around like a madman. Started daily blogging.

April: Stopped working at the restaurant. Learned about money, cruelty of life, and many more crucial values when facing the dread of life. Worked as an assistant, teacher, copy writer at the same time, invigorating, exciting.

May: Got few students at hand, travelling up and down, meeting new people, making new experiences. Crescendo, accelerando. Trimmed off my long hair- the lion’s mane. Got to make a friend- Jon, one of the sweetest person that I have ever met, and eventually handling my blog when needed. Manchester happened. School started. Ran daily.

June: London Bridge incident. Still working. Discovered Maths anxiety, still battling, a vicious one. Gathering with my high school friends. First time going out with a girl for a movie, not because of what you think we are, I gave her a treat as she was going to manage my blog. Went to Xia Men to search for my ‘roots’ (寻潘之根(一)) got to experience a multi-millionaire life for a week. Went to Sunway with the same group of friends, wrote an honest review on them, got a little more attention than expected (Sunway Lagoon Theme Park (Honest Review)). Went to Broga Hills with my colleagues (my friends).

July: School hit me hard. Fuck me. This is hard. More than I expected. I underestimated the syllabus and thus got overwhelmed eventually. Dejection, abject submission hit me harder, like a fucking meteor, I started to become more depressed in studying, and everything. I met her, Lerr, for one last time before she flew to Korea to further her studies. I was resolute, we could not be something, I prayed for her wellness, hoping to see her again in the future, to tell me stories, to meet again as long-lost friends. Wrote a the best post in my life about quitting social life. (I QUIT!)

August: Met another brilliant someone- Erica, currently writing for my blog also. Feels. Recruited my first post contributor on my blog, Kelvin, stunning photographs and post ideas, accolades to him. And another inspiring figure- Aisya, a true Malaysian, inspired me to write the most Malaysian post ever. (A True Malaysian For Malaysians).

September: Wrote a final letter to her, Lerr, hoping that she would be in the hands of God, the best for her. Concluding a hopeless love, learning to let go. Met my friend, Lua, told me countless stories about his time at Matriculation, damn he is one blessing of a story teller. Chester Bennington happened. Being bold with my problems, incest, admitting them, getting all my shit together. Got to be in the hands to the best Physics teacher that I had ever met, Mr. Moay, inspiring me take Physics easy. Physics is easy. Dramatically pushed my boundaries in this field from zero to hero. My feels got stronger.

October: Written my first monthly goal as a catalyst to get my life back together, worked like a charm, inspired by once again, Jess. My battle with incest was not over, I was growing weaker by each moment. Written another monumental post (A Letter To Students In Schools). Studying my ass off. Running consistently. Nearly got into a fight with one of my teachers, forgiven but not forgotten, to err is human, to forgive divine. Had one of the busiest days of the year, teaching for the whole day with a losing voice, what an achievement.

November: Read a few astounding books. Making a confession to her, a silly one. Knowing her openness, why did I bang my head against the wall? Silly me. Clarified, not happening, not now, candour (vocab of my year). Went to Word Camp (Code of Conduct (Word Camp KL 2017 Experience)), learned a lot. Exam month, first term, ended. Got back to work.

December: Erica wrote her very first post on my blog. Realising Writer’s block, acknowledging that I was veering off originality and drowning in numbers. Growing out of my comfort zone. Went to Hong Kong, got a bad bruise on my leg due to improper warm-up before running. My first car accident. Set up my first writing Instagram (@hopeinterrupts). Finding the balance between Maths and writing. Got a boost at work.

Looking back at my posts let me rekindle my past memories. This year was jam packed for me, lots of new things, lots of learning opportunity, lots of everything.

Thank you 2017 for shaping me with the worst and best of you, making me looking at everything with a different perception. Thank you everyone who I have encountered in 2017, no matter who you are, no more grudges, no more hatred, just gratefulness and growth between us.

Hopefully, more things to come, no matter good or bad, it is still a learning opportunity. You will never learn less, you either learn nothing or something. That quote hit me hard when I was reading a book, a self-help book.

Hope. Joy.. Feelings cloaked as words.

Almost

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